We are now just a few days away from Rebecca's gallbladder surgery, and although this surgery is very routine, and it's done all the time, it's still surgery. There is always that chance that something could go wrong, and this is becoming very "real" for all of us.
It's only been a little over a year since she lost another brother, and given the number of people that have passed in the science fiction/fantasy community over the last year (both writers and fans), including people that I considered at least good acquaintances, if not actual friends, it makes the fear that much more real.
Add to this the passing of a former co-worker just a few weeks ago, a lady who we called the Den Mother because she always tried to take care of all of us, and the fact that a very dear friend checked himself into a hospital last week because he was suicidal, makes death a very real aspect in our lives right now.
We all realize that gallbladder surgery is nothing like brain or heart surgery, but there's still that big "what if?" Rebecca's not just my wife and the mother of my children, she is, without a doubt, the best friend that I've ever had, and the thought of losing her is terrifying.
Add to this the fact that the kids are worried about her, and a couple of them are acting out in different ways is just making things that much harder.
I realize that almost certainly in a week's time I'll be looking back at this post and thinking how silly it was to be this nervous...but for the moment, the fear is beginning to set in, and that's more real.